Crap Dogs

In conclusion

2010-10-07T12:18:00.001-07:00

To hold a pillow over the small furry head of this blog, drown out the yapping, and finish it off for good, here are some treasured outraged comments, with rejoinders:

You are a complete douche bag. Look at you, you are saying that dogs are crap because they aren't like their wolf ancestors?? ARE YOURETARDED?! We should be crap too, seeing as how we aren't nearly as hairy or retarded as our monkey ancestors. Kind of funny that we are BETTER than our ancestors. Are you sure you just aren't confused? There is a reason a wolf is a wolf and a dog is a dog. You fucking idiot. I bet you are giant fat man that sits on his computer, wearing his AWESOME wolf t-shirts he bought at the local spirit shop! Suck it easy, bitch! =D Oh, and p.s. I'm a hott blonde 106 pound 22 year old. Way to pick up the ladies!!!

By Anonymous on crap Belgian Christmas dog on 03/04/10

In response: although my PhD wasn't in evolutionary biology, I daresay the idea that humanity is 'better' now than our ancestors were is just as much a value judgement as the aspersions cast about my gender, weight and t-shirt collection.

poms arent that bad you butt-plug your just jealous because you cant get lovin from anything but your hand

By Anonymous on Pompom pomeranian puppy on 19/01/10

True, alas. My sweetheart is on a tour of inspection of German crap dogs until the new year.

By that I mean this website is animal cruelty!!!! And That dog is adorable!!! And that is Offensive to me, I have a Boston Terrier!!!!!!!

By Sawyer on Crap boston terrier on 02/06/09

Sawyer, come back. Please elaborate. In what way, exactly, is this blog animal cruelty?

A dog is a dog, no matter what they look like. They are sweet souls no matter what. I've heard people voice their negative opinion on other dogs, like bulldogs, dalmations, chinese crested, beagles, pit bulls. Anyone to judge a DOG by the cover is ignorant and sick and I feel sorry for them. Hopefully you will end up completely hairless someday and someone will write a mean post about YOU.

By Anonymous on Hairless rat terrier on 10/03/09

In the event of my ending up as a hairless crap dog one day, I invite all comers to write posts about me as many and as mean as they choose.

I had a dog for 7 years and he was my best friend. A couple of weeks ago,the doctor told me I was allergic to dogs and my parents had him putto sleep. Hairless dogs are still dogs, and for some people its the only pet they can have. So, whatever point you're trying to make, it's not working. I suggest you shut your mouth and stop being so fucking immature.

By Anonymous on Hairless rat terrier on 04/11/08

Yes, I should show more respect for dogs. Like by not euthanising them for the sake of my sniffles.

I hate dogs in frou-frou sweaters and the dogs that get carried around in purses, but that's not the dogs' fault. You might as well call this dog "Crap Humans". Also, I have a big German Shepherd mix, and she doesn't like the water either. That Pomeranian could probably dog paddle if it went in, but my German Shepherd just looks pitiful and spiteful when wet.

By Anonymous on Crap floating dog on 21/07/08

No, there's no need; Crap Humans are covered by all other blogs.

And finally...

C'mon, admit it. You are enamored of these little critters. The anti-cute themed blog is a convenient cover-up for your secret love of little doggies.
By Anonymous on Crap floating dog on 21/07/08

crap Belgian Christmas dog

2010-01-02T15:06:00.001-08:00

Bruges on Christmas day:

Charming medieval architecture. Frozen canals. Chocolate. Glüwein. Delightful.

But an eyesore spoils the festive view of Vlaamse volk strolling in the Grote Markt. A dog is for life, not for Christmas. Leave them at home.

crap dogs NW3 style

2009-11-22T10:48:00.000-08:00

Dogs seen around Hampstead, being taken for long muddy walks on the heath, are usually quite large and sober. But many locals have more money than sense, leading to unfortunate sightings like this, outside the Tesco on Heath street.

crap newspaper calls dogs crap

2009-10-31T10:20:00.001-07:00

It's no surprise that the conservative Telegraph is implicitly digging at the Obamas with its photo choice for this article, 'Pet dogs as bad for planet as driving 4x4s, book claims'.

No matter. We learn that:

Bo Obama is crap.

The Telegraph is crap.

Crap dogs are crap for the planet.

crap dog signage

2009-10-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

This dog, supplied to me by an intrepid dog finder on a visit to Italy, is appropriately not allowed here.

crap dog signage

2009-10-11T15:33:00.000-07:00

Evidence that in the south of France, the normative dog is crap.

crap handbag dogs

2009-09-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

Further evidence can be found in October's UK Vogue of the handbag-dogs-are-crap-dogs hypothesis. The husky puppy is cute, I grant you. Would they sell as many bags if it was not?

2009-08-03T15:06:00.001-07:00

The Sartorialist blog documents humans enjoying above average taste in clothes. The above outfit, for example, should be applauded on anyone, and is all the more admirable given this lady's age. However, despite their appearance, toy poodles are not handbags on strings. When worn as accessories, dogs are crap.

Antibes, world capital of crap dogs

2009-07-25T14:35:00.001-07:00

the photos just keep coming, the riviera is overrun with them. My source espied this little beauty chomping lasagne, with the aid of a child's bib.

crap Italian dogs

2009-07-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

The Basilica of Superga

is highly recommended to travellers for its interesting history, its scenic views over Turin and its statistically improbable concentration of crap dogs.

Pay attention on the train ride up the hill and you too may come across a beaut like this.

another ovine canine

2009-02-03T16:22:00.000-08:00

Sheep dogs are not crap. They live purposeful lives. They cannot be mistaken for domestic sheep, either by their sheep farmer companions, or by their sheep charges. Sheep are no fools.

Dog sheep are crap. This Bedlington terrier is crap. Here the crapness is enhanced by the green grass carpet.

crap dog in action

2009-01-10T15:45:00.000-08:00

In this action sequence the sheep-like demeanour of the white woolly crap dog is made explicit. Note the two modes: looking up for dangerous predators; looking down for grass to eat.

fake crap dogs

2009-01-10T15:43:00.000-08:00

In many ways these fake crap dogs are superior to the living dolls themselves. They do not slobber, yap, or need combing.

crap dog walk

2009-01-10T15:41:00.000-08:00

This crap dog was photographed by my assistant being taken for a walk, but it isn't so much walking as cowering in shame and fear.

hail to the crap dog

2008-11-13T13:40:00.001-08:00

Clinton's dog, buddy, had a crap name but was not noticeably crap, as shown above. Unfortunately, ladradoodles and cockapoos have been cited as potential future canine presidential companions. Google images project strong swings towards crapness for both.

sad news, crap fans

2008-11-13T13:35:00.000-08:00

The world's crappest dog is no more. No more photos, no more videos. The laughter has ended.

three crap dogs

2008-10-31T15:40:00.000-07:00

These cowering incompetents in the field of dogdom were spotted tied to a bench outside a Glasgow deli. The rain adds to their misery.

crap ewok

2008-10-27T12:36:00.001-07:00

No - wait - it's a dog.

game face crap dog

2008-10-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

"...when he confronts an adversary, a starkly different John McCain can emerge, fired up with certainty for an all-or-nothing battle. “I am going to win this thing and you are going to have to run me over to defeat me,” said former Senator Bob Kerrey, a Democrat close to Mr. McCain, explaining his friend’s attitude. “It is a face that makes his opponent think, ‘I don’t know if I want to get my nose bloodied by this guy.’ ”"

crap beardie dog

2008-10-12T12:32:00.001-07:00

George here is the pride and joy of his owner, no doubt due to his submissive ear-raising habit. He's also trying to gaze attentively at her for instructions, but his eyes can't quite manage it.

crap dog of unidentified breed

2008-10-06T11:08:00.001-07:00

This crap dog has consented to be carted round in a buggy, an form of transportation beneath the contempt of self-respecting toddlers.

crap Yorkshire terrier

2008-10-06T11:05:00.001-07:00

This crap Yorkie, spotted in Antibes, has consented to be strapped into a harness like a toddler.

crap cottonwool ball

2008-10-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

My spies are everywhere. No driveway is safe from their unblinking gaze. No driveways are safe from the unblinking gazes of crap dogs like this either.

crap head tilt

2008-09-25T07:05:00.001-07:00

Not content with the level of crap already attained through birth as a pug, this specimen demonstrates the crap enhancing potential of the head tilt.

non crap dog

2008-09-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

This dog is not crap because it has made itself useful by providing dinner for his or her owner. Instead of grinning gormlessly in pride at its success, it is concentrating on the task in hand, viz, throttling its prey.

crap dog crap

2008-09-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

The size of the crap (bottom right) produced by this man's dog corresponds to the the crapness of his dog.

crap scary dog

2008-08-22T14:08:00.001-07:00

Voldemort dog

crap dog eugenics

2008-08-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

It's not just my artistic interpretations; pedigree dogs are crap on technical merit. They fall outside the medals. They are fail dogs.

crap cushion

2008-08-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

This crap dog evidently spotted my spy's camera and rolled over to beg for a photograph of its golden fluff.

crap chow chow

2008-08-06T16:15:00.001-07:00

Reputedly one of the stupidest dogs in existence, the chow chow was one of the first primitive breeds to evolve from the wolf. So it is now far, far away from the wolf.

chihuahua crapness discussed

2008-08-05T14:35:00.000-07:00

This chihuahua confronts the viewer with a full-face stare, claws drawn. It strives to transcend its unfortunate genetic inheritance. Its rounded features call to mind the noble bovine.

Unlike the child's toy it is doomed to become, pathetic in the sense of risible,
the puppy is not crap. Rather, it is pathetic in the sense of pitiable.

crap cloned dogs

2008-08-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

Dogs have been cloned before, in order to fight crime with the police and save lives through the advancement of medical science. Booger was cloned because he was so good at 'fetching clothes from the dryer and drinks from the fridge, opening doors and taking off her shoes'.

Crap dwarf biscuit

2008-07-29T12:52:00.000-07:00

Wikipedia says this is a Griffon Bruxellois but it is actually Gimli, son of Glóin's mid-morning snack

French riviera crap dog

2008-07-27T12:39:00.000-07:00

The matching of pink collar to pink cuddly toy would be an admirable effort at coordination, if this were a little girl.

Maltese by popular request

2008-07-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

Appearances can be deceptive. This dog is not Gandalf the White. It is not pure, powerful, old or wise. It is crap.

Real dogs don't melt at room temperature

2008-07-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

This dog isn't waving, it is drowning in crap.

Crap Viennese anti dog crap dogs

2008-07-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

Real dogs poo where they please.

Crap floating dog

2008-07-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

Can't swim, might get wet

Crap wig dog

2008-07-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

Cuteoverload.com covers cute. This blog speaks only to crap.

Crap dog on a train

2008-07-20T16:30:00.001-07:00

Locomotive lapdog

Crap Slovakian dog

2008-07-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

Spotted in a bag on a bus in Bratislava

Sub woofer

2008-03-23T12:10:00.001-07:00

Crap action shot of crap dog in park. Notice the shadow revealing a pert tail.

Which is crapper?

2008-03-03T12:07:00.001-08:00

Puglet or pomlet?

Crap cross-eyed pekinese

2008-03-03T11:49:00.001-08:00

Wikipedia reveals that an alternative name for the Pekinese dog is the foo dog. This dog is definitely a foo.

Slightly scary pompom

2008-03-03T11:38:00.001-08:00

But still crap.

Another crap pomeranian

2008-03-03T11:32:00.001-08:00

Are you scared? Are you terrified? Are you shaking with fear?

Pompom pomeranian puppy

2008-03-03T11:23:00.000-08:00

This crap kitten puppy would be afraid of a cottonwool ball.

Crap poodle

2008-02-25T15:13:00.001-08:00

If you recall, real dogs do not have hairstyles. This poodle sports a full-body hairstyle lifestyle. It is exemplarily crap.

Bottom of the food chain crap dog

2008-02-25T15:07:00.001-08:00

Its ears are so large because it has to listen alertly for predators.

Crap begging dog #2

2008-02-25T15:05:00.001-08:00

This dog has no bucket so is instead inviting pity through its pathetic facial expression.

Crap begging dog

2008-02-25T15:00:00.001-08:00

Real dogs do not beg for things, they take them.

Crap doggies in the window

2008-02-25T14:57:00.000-08:00

These crap puppies are for sale, for Christmas. Look at him drinking out of a bottle like a hamster.

Crap tache

2008-02-23T16:59:00.001-08:00

Only Hulk Hogan is allowed a moustache like this.

Seal

2008-02-22T13:29:00.001-08:00

Real dogs don't look like aquatic mammals.

Gollum

2008-02-22T13:27:00.000-08:00

This dog discovered what happens if you wear the One Ring for too long.

Hairless rat terrier

2008-02-22T13:01:00.000-08:00

The hint's in the name. Hairless. Rat. Even the twisted breeder who came up with these realised they were crap.

And, as the photo shows, they can reproduce.

Crap ugly dog

2008-02-20T09:22:00.000-08:00

This apology for a dog wouldn't even be able to scare prey to death with its face.

Failed dog

2008-02-20T09:19:00.000-08:00

Failed people become teachers. Failed dogs become fat pointless dependents.

Clothed crap dog

2008-02-20T09:17:00.000-08:00

You could dress a real dog in this manner, but you would sustain injuries in the process.

Crap fat dog

2008-02-19T13:26:00.001-08:00

Even large impressive dogs can be crap if their owners stuff them to the point where they can no longer walk, let alone violently snap the neck of a grazing herbivore.

Crap before, crap after

2008-02-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

There is more of this crap dog now that it has gained weight, but it has never been capable of taking down an ungulate single handedly.

A wolf

2008-02-17T16:06:00.000-08:00

Wolves, not being crap, do not require pink fluffy outfits or dungarees to keep them warm in the snow.

Pink fluffy crap dog

2008-02-17T16:00:00.001-08:00

A chihuahua gazing adoringly at its owner photographing it wearing an outfit a seven year old girl would sneer at.

Crap boston terrier

2008-02-17T15:58:00.001-08:00

Real dogs do not have eyes which bulge out of their sockets in their eagerness to please.

Crap corgi

2008-02-17T15:51:00.001-08:00

The mouths of real dogs do not automatically form gormless grins irrespective of mood.

Waste of dog food

2008-02-17T15:50:00.000-08:00

This pug looks depressed because it is wishing it had been born an Irish wolfhound.

Crap dog with crap hair

2008-02-17T15:36:00.001-08:00

Nature and culture have both been unkind to this crap dog.

Crap dog dressed as a crap human

2008-02-17T15:34:00.001-08:00

Real dogs do not have hairstyles.

World's smallest crap dog meeting world's largest real dog

2008-02-17T15:24:00.001-08:00

Gibson is wondering whether it would genetically constitute cannibalism if he were to eat Boo Boo.

Alien infant

2008-02-17T15:22:00.001-08:00

Real dogs cannot be lifted with one hand.

Doglette

2008-02-17T15:18:00.001-08:00

Real dogs are measured in feet, not inches.

2007-06-19T06:51:00.000-07:00