crap dogs NW3 style

Dogs seen around Hampstead, being taken for long muddy walks on the heath, are usually quite large and sober. But many locals have more money than sense, leading to unfortunate sightings like this, outside the Tesco on Heath street.

crap newspaper calls dogs crap

It's no surprise that the conservative Telegraph is implicitly digging at the Obamas with its photo choice for this article, 'Pet dogs as bad for planet as driving 4x4s, book claims'.

No matter. We learn that:

Bo Obama is crap.

The Telegraph is crap.

Crap dogs are crap for the planet.

crap dog signage

This dog, supplied to me by an intrepid dog finder on a visit to Italy, is appropriately not allowed here.

crap dog signage

Evidence that in the south of France, the normative dog is crap.

crap handbag dogs

Further evidence can be found in October's UK Vogue of the handbag-dogs-are-crap-dogs hypothesis. The husky puppy is cute, I grant you. Would they sell as many bags if it was not?

The Sartorialist blog documents humans enjoying above average taste in clothes. The above outfit, for example, should be applauded on anyone, and is all the more admirable given this lady's age. However, despite their appearance, toy poodles are not handbags on strings. When worn as accessories, dogs are crap.

Antibes, world capital of crap dogs

the photos just keep coming, the riviera is overrun with them. My source espied this little beauty chomping lasagne, with the aid of a child's bib.

crap Italian dogs

The Basilica of Superga

is highly recommended to travellers for its interesting history, its scenic views over Turin and its statistically improbable concentration of crap dogs.

Pay attention on the train ride up the hill and you too may come across a beaut like this.

another ovine canine

Sheep dogs are not crap. They live purposeful lives. They cannot be mistaken for domestic sheep, either by their sheep farmer companions, or by their sheep charges. Sheep are no fools.


Dog sheep are crap. This Bedlington terrier is crap. Here the crapness is enhanced by the green grass carpet.

crap dog in action

In this action sequence the sheep-like demeanour of the white woolly crap dog is made explicit. Note the two modes: looking up for dangerous predators; looking down for grass to eat.

fake crap dogs

In many ways these fake crap dogs are superior to the living dolls themselves. They do not slobber, yap, or need combing.

crap dog walk

This crap dog was photographed by my assistant being taken for a walk, but it isn't so much walking as cowering in shame and fear.