In conclusion

To hold a pillow over the small furry head of this blog, drown out the yapping, and finish it off for good, here are some treasured outraged comments, with rejoinders:

You are a complete douche bag. Look at you, you are saying that dogs are crap because they aren't like their wolf ancestors?? ARE YOURETARDED?! We should be crap too, seeing as how we aren't nearly as hairy or retarded as our monkey ancestors. Kind of funny that we are BETTER than our ancestors. Are you sure you just aren't confused? There is a reason a wolf is a wolf and a dog is a dog. You fucking idiot. I bet you are giant fat man that sits on his computer, wearing his AWESOME wolf t-shirts he bought at the local spirit shop! Suck it easy, bitch! =D Oh, and p.s. I'm a hott blonde 106 pound 22 year old. Way to pick up the ladies!!!

By Anonymous on crap Belgian Christmas dog on 03/04/10

In response: although my PhD wasn't in evolutionary biology, I daresay the idea that humanity is 'better' now than our ancestors were is just as much a value judgement as the aspersions cast about my gender, weight and t-shirt collection.

poms arent that bad you butt-plug your just jealous because you cant get lovin from anything but your hand

By Anonymous on Pompom pomeranian puppy on 19/01/10

True, alas. My sweetheart is on a tour of inspection of German crap dogs until the new year.

By that I mean this website is animal cruelty!!!! And That dog is adorable!!! And that is Offensive to me, I have a Boston Terrier!!!!!!!

By Sawyer on Crap boston terrier on 02/06/09

Sawyer, come back. Please elaborate. In what way, exactly, is this blog animal cruelty?

A dog is a dog, no matter what they look like. They are sweet souls no matter what. I've heard people voice their negative opinion on other dogs, like bulldogs, dalmations, chinese crested, beagles, pit bulls. Anyone to judge a DOG by the cover is ignorant and sick and I feel sorry for them. Hopefully you will end up completely hairless someday and someone will write a mean post about YOU.

By Anonymous on Hairless rat terrier on 10/03/09

In the event of my ending up as a hairless crap dog one day, I invite all comers to write posts about me as many and as mean as they choose.

I had a dog for 7 years and he was my best friend. A couple of weeks ago,the doctor told me I was allergic to dogs and my parents had him putto sleep. Hairless dogs are still dogs, and for some people its the only pet they can have. So, whatever point you're trying to make, it's not working. I suggest you shut your mouth and stop being so fucking immature.

By Anonymous on Hairless rat terrier on 04/11/08

Yes, I should show more respect for dogs. Like by not euthanising them for the sake of my sniffles.

I hate dogs in frou-frou sweaters and the dogs that get carried around in purses, but that's not the dogs' fault. You might as well call this dog "Crap Humans". Also, I have a big German Shepherd mix, and she doesn't like the water either. That Pomeranian could probably dog paddle if it went in, but my German Shepherd just looks pitiful and spiteful when wet.

By Anonymous on Crap floating dog on 21/07/08

No, there's no need; Crap Humans are covered by all other blogs.

And finally...

C'mon, admit it. You are enamored of these little critters. The anti-cute themed blog is a convenient cover-up for your secret love of little doggies.

By Anonymous on Crap floating dog on 21/07/08

crap Belgian Christmas dog

Bruges on Christmas day:

Charming medieval architecture. Frozen canals. Chocolate. Glüwein. Delightful.

But an eyesore spoils the festive view of Vlaamse volk strolling in the Grote Markt. A dog is for life, not for Christmas. Leave them at home.

crap dogs NW3 style

Dogs seen around Hampstead, being taken for long muddy walks on the heath, are usually quite large and sober. But many locals have more money than sense, leading to unfortunate sightings like this, outside the Tesco on Heath street.

crap newspaper calls dogs crap

It's no surprise that the conservative Telegraph is implicitly digging at the Obamas with its photo choice for this article, 'Pet dogs as bad for planet as driving 4x4s, book claims'.

No matter. We learn that:

Bo Obama is crap.

The Telegraph is crap.

Crap dogs are crap for the planet.

crap dog signage

This dog, supplied to me by an intrepid dog finder on a visit to Italy, is appropriately not allowed here.

crap dog signage

Evidence that in the south of France, the normative dog is crap.

crap handbag dogs

Further evidence can be found in October's UK Vogue of the handbag-dogs-are-crap-dogs hypothesis. The husky puppy is cute, I grant you. Would they sell as many bags if it was not?

The Sartorialist blog documents humans enjoying above average taste in clothes. The above outfit, for example, should be applauded on anyone, and is all the more admirable given this lady's age. However, despite their appearance, toy poodles are not handbags on strings. When worn as accessories, dogs are crap.

Antibes, world capital of crap dogs

the photos just keep coming, the riviera is overrun with them. My source espied this little beauty chomping lasagne, with the aid of a child's bib.

crap Italian dogs

The Basilica of Superga

is highly recommended to travellers for its interesting history, its scenic views over Turin and its statistically improbable concentration of crap dogs.

Pay attention on the train ride up the hill and you too may come across a beaut like this.

another ovine canine

Sheep dogs are not crap. They live purposeful lives. They cannot be mistaken for domestic sheep, either by their sheep farmer companions, or by their sheep charges. Sheep are no fools.


Dog sheep are crap. This Bedlington terrier is crap. Here the crapness is enhanced by the green grass carpet.

crap dog in action

In this action sequence the sheep-like demeanour of the white woolly crap dog is made explicit. Note the two modes: looking up for dangerous predators; looking down for grass to eat.

fake crap dogs

In many ways these fake crap dogs are superior to the living dolls themselves. They do not slobber, yap, or need combing.

crap dog walk

This crap dog was photographed by my assistant being taken for a walk, but it isn't so much walking as cowering in shame and fear.

hail to the crap dog

Clinton's dog, buddy, had a crap name but was not noticeably crap, as shown above. Unfortunately, ladradoodles and cockapoos have been cited as potential future canine presidential companions. Google images project strong swings towards crapness for both.

sad news, crap fans

The world's crappest dog is no more. No more photos, no more videos. The laughter has ended.  

three crap dogs

These cowering incompetents in the field of dogdom were spotted tied to a bench outside a Glasgow deli. The rain adds to their misery.

crap ewok

No - wait - it's a dog.

game face crap dog

"...when he confronts an adversary, a starkly different John McCain can emerge, fired up with certainty for an all-or-nothing battle. “I am going to win this thing and you are going to have to run me over to defeat me,” said former Senator Bob Kerrey, a Democrat close to Mr. McCain, explaining his friend’s attitude. “It is a face that makes his opponent think, ‘I don’t know if I want to get my nose bloodied by this guy.’ ”"

crap beardie dog

George here is the pride and joy of his owner, no doubt due to his submissive ear-raising habit. He's also trying to gaze attentively at her for instructions, but his eyes can't quite manage it.